Bar Banter Champion Prints

"I don't know anything about politics or foreign relations, but I do know that Madelyn Albright's a babe."

'I'll take back 'Rotten Egg' if you'll apologize for 'Dumb Cluck'.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

'You dirty, snivelling, low down, arrogant son of a gin-swilling kleptomaniac.'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'That guy is SO tacky.'

"Is that neat whisky?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

'Just as I suspected, guys - looks like we'be got ourselves an undercover wine drinker.'

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

A breakthrough moment for the Wright brothers. How about some wings with that?

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'

"So Marty, how's business these days?" "Great. I've just sold my homing pigeon for the 34th time."

"Sipsies?"

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."