Band Auditionee T-Shirts

"You're a great musician, but you don't fit in with out image."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

'They all want to play the star.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

Presenter Auditions.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Quiet? I'd even read for the understudy part for someone who is between engagements."

'So, did I get the job?'

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"Sorry Mr. Gross, Mr. DeVries, but the firm has decided to go with the earthy, down-home fingerpicking of Ms. Aimee Parker-Grossman."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Well, it's not my fault if nobody bothered to tune the microphone.'