Bad Date Remedy Prints

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"People mistakenly think that we accountants are all boring number crunchers, but the latest figures show that 54% of the 23% of people who responded to a survey were 45% in favour of us being 12% more interesting than average!"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Do you have anything cheap but guaranteed to help me get laid?'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'It's not you, Richard. It's your ring tone.'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'Some have a love life - I have a 'can't-stand-for-the-man-to-be-right' life.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'You write books, you say!'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

"You're the first guy I've met who really listens and blah, blah, blah..."

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

"I collect fridge magnets that look like little fridges."

'No, everything is not all right. My date ran out without leaving money to pay the bill!'

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

'Where are all these alien abductors when you need them?'

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"I'll be honest, Raymond. I really don't give a damn about the wetlands."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

Though Mary's date puts her to sleep, she's saved by her airbag.

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."