Awkward Moment Expert Mugs

Im thinking of firing all the yes-men, naysayers, equivocators. What do you think?

"I was told I should embrace my mistakes."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You and your daft inventions."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Speed Dating Disasters

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Are you blushing?!"