Awkward Interaction Enthusiast Mugs

"For years, they were the perfect neighbors. Then all of a sudden they introduced themselves."

"I think of you as being enormously alive."

'I was just looking at you and wondering what my grandchildren would look like if you and my daughter started dating again, fell in love, got married and had some!'

"Hey, I saw you dressing me with your eyes!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

What price beauty?

"If you think the first half of this psychological test is intrusive, wait until you're grilled by me mother."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

'I appeared to start selling more when I stopped appearing to sell.'

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

'I should warn you, I charge double if you want me to examine both of them, Mrs. Jacobs.'

Hugs and knucklebumps don't mix.

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

'Maybe you need to practice walking.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"

"Look, I know Estella has a boyfriend. I would never try to break them up. But it's not illegal to text friends...and we're still friends..."

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Alumnae News

'Check this out Henry, the stripper has arrived.'

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

Bob had a lot to prove – which happens when you're wrong most of the time.

A man and a woman at a house party

Send. End.

"Bob, when I said "let him sniff your hand first," I meant the dog."

The originator of the office birthday party.

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"