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'When will we be breaking the sound barrier?'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

'Stealth broom.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

Two birds refuel.

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel

"Our flight's been diverted to Frankfurt - but remember, it is better to travel than to arrive."