Auto Fixer-upper T-Shirts

'This may take more work than we thought.'

glares and stares.

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

The Upholstery Consultant

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

Well paid job

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"Is it really necessary to shout 'Nailed it!' every time you hammer a nail?"

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'