Auditioning For Talent Shows Mugs

"I like you kid, but you're really just a work in progress!"

'They all want to play the star.'

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Which part are you reading for?"

The Drummer

Presenter Auditions.

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

Casting Director

Ventriloquist Audition

Trump commissions song

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

"This is a blind audition, right?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.