Attending A Job Interview Pillows

"Just the one old school tie would have done"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

'You're not quite what we had in mind.'

"What do I bring to the company? I'm relentlessly cheerful and able to handle pressure."

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'How fast can you hype?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

How are you at decision making?

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"