Artisanal Decorator Mugs

Negotiations over the new colour scheme had reached stalemate.

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Painting the Ceiling

Use your imagination.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"You're welcome."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

New Coat of Paint at the Sistine Condos

Face Painting.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."