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"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

The Art Student.

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

The Artist

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Just call me Picasso!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Judging by the number of 'Polar Bear in snowstorm' paintings the class seems apprehensive using color."

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

Fourth Tableau of Das Rheingold

'Look. Billy Curry did a nude!'

German School

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

The Best Art Teacher in the World.

Cartooning 101: Figure Drawing

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art Plagiarism

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Cubism Model

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'