Art Gallery Staff Pillows

Induction day at the modern art gallery was proving to be heavy going for Sam. . .

'Intriguing how the eyes follow you round the room . . .'

'If it's so good, how come it's not on a T-shirt?'

'Hopkins!' Guard is shouted at after falling asleep between the breasts of a statue.

A couple looks at a security guard with his arms behind his back standing beside a painting depicting him from behind holding a glass of wine and a cigarette in his hands.

"This one I feel like protecting, the others I don't."

'Of course you can't sit there, there's no room, can't you see that... some people!'

Lady does a double-take walking past a naked statue.

Youth to friend in art gallery: 'Have you noticed how the security guards seem to follow you around the room?'

'Where do you want me to hang the Hong?'

I may not know much about art, but I know where the Gents is...

Emin's bed, tidied up.

Stamps Exhibition.

"I've no idea what it's supposed to be....."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"Now this I get."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Art Gallery.

Rodin's Cloakroom Thief