Army Stories Gifts

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

A Hole in the Dike

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Silence of the Chickens...

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Warrior Woman

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Thank you to those who never came home and to those who never left their side.

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'Please, Grandpa Turkey! Tell us about the Christmas massacre and the Thanksgiving bloodbath!'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

Harry Chauvel & T. E. Lawrence