Applying For Grants Pillows

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"I'm a good risk for a business loan because I put 110% effort into my business."

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

"Well, Mr. Shoddy, if we were to approve your business loan, you'd really need to change the name of your company."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

'It's a foolproof formula for writing grant applications.'

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Lost My Grant - Please Help!"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'Evolution may be a good idea, but how will we FUND it?'

"How much do you need?"

'Agreed, 'Laplace Algebra Matrix Expansion' is a good topic, but we'd better find a better acronym if we want to secure a Research Grant...'

The mazes were too easy, so now they have me running through bureaucracies and looking for grants. (Originally published on 2007-10-18).

"Our funding runs out in a month. Will everyone please think a little faster?"

"Great. First our funding ran out, now the rat."