Aol Aficionado Pillows

'Two weeks to live? That can't be right -- I have 500 free hours from AOL!'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"I'm seeing some dominance issues."

Beer Stall

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

Driverless cars rage.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"What did you download at school today?"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

Bot Art: After da Vinci

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

Happy thoughts

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."