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My University's Fundraising Department

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

Football addict

'I'm Stacey, whose mother is the proud parent of an honor student.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

"At least you get to wake up from your nightmares."

"I teach ... to impact a life."

"The university is delighted with the endowment but is there any flexibility over calling it the 'who's the rich one now you toffee nosed bastards' wing?"

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

'And remember you success will be measured by how much money you donate to the universities alumni fund.'

'If you finish your first year of teaching and haven't destroyed the innate curiosity of your young students, you are a successful teacher.'

Small store loses out to glossy big store

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Personally, I prefer seeing the graduates dance across the stage."

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'Remember, your success in life will be measure by how much you donate to your Alma Mater...'

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

'I think my teacher is very devoted. She always says she's more interested in the outcome than her income.'

"I can speak with Billy now, Susan. While I'm thinking about it... order me another file cabinet."

Apt. for rent: Excellent school district - Student included.

"Put four. Teachers need encouragement."

Major US universities, public view: ATHLETICS...everything else.

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

'George is Jessica Ennis' biggest fan.'