Allotment Pillows

Man halfway through growing a scarecrow

"My biggest problem is squatters."

Prize vegetables.

Allotment

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

An old man growing berries

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'Not here, Fred.'

"What are you growing?"

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

Sheds

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

He was forced to take early retirement.

'Please help - can't afford sweets - spent pocket money on mobile phone credit.'

Middle Distance Runners

Hell's Allotment Holders.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

'Dad, I've decided to make some money to supplement my allowance.' 'Good for you. Got a little mowing job?' 'Nope. A tip jar. And oh by the way, 15 to 20 percent is customary.'

'You can always recognise a true gardener - out there before the weather actually gets nice enough for venturing into the garden.'

'I'm done with school because all I need to make a living is to know how to persuade my dad to give me money!'

"Those are my money managers."

"Still trying to grow mushy peas,Alf?"

"I can't wait until I'm old enough to vote for a guaranteed minimum allowance."

Gardening Angel.

Birds laughing at a scarecrow.

'Even with free medical, dental, room and board, I'm still not making it on this allowance.'

'Oh no! I'm losing the plot.'

"Oops...nothing but IOUs I never paid back!"

'Yeah, I use ATMs all the time, but I refer to them as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.'