Alaska State Patrol Officer T-Shirts

'Ice Road Urinalysis' -frozen instantly

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

hard-boiled egg...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Trump secret police

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Now that's a win."