Age-gap Ponderers Mugs

"At first Jill and I were flattered when the teens wanted to hang out with us, but then we realized why we don't care for teenagers."

The Jeopardy of Progress

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

Sex Education

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

'When will it be o.k. to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

'They're not reliable.'

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

30th Birthday - Doctors aren't like policemen.. they don't grow younger, they just age faster.

"All of a sudden, everyone seems younger than I am."

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

'You are daydreaming all the time. When are you going to mature?'

"It used to be called pensions."

"We didn't have these cushy escalators when I was a calf. No siree. We had to jump. And I still have the scars to prove it. Wanna see 'em?"

Your weight and fortune. What you'll weigh now...what you'll weigh 10 years from now.

'I do wish you wouldn't use those Polish printers.'

Never Trust Anyone Under Thirty

"The best thing about getting old is YouTube wasn't around when we did really stupid stuff."

"...There was no such thing as ordering it through the interwebs, or whatever the heck you call it."

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

'Don't worry, dear -- The bust is yet to come.'

Wait for it....

"Answer your question? You mean in real time?"

"If you ask me, I'd say he was circa 1945 and she's circa 1965."