Afterlife Amusements Pillows

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

The Reaper's Arms

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"From this you make a living?"

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

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Gates of heaven

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

Post-psychoanalysis

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'Listen, if they didn't have alcohol in heaven, it wouldn't be heaven!'

"Wow. I just had a near life experience!"