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'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

'It's about time!'

Mouse real estate!

As Seen Watching TV

F1 - Quit Smoking.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

The Bargain Brand

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

'In the commercials, they run over to it and wag their tails.'

This Space Available.

"I think it was one Christmas TV advert too many."

"Satan's on the line, sir. He says the soul you sent doesn't look like the one in the ad."

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

'Of course he's an actor. When was the last time you saw a kid enjoy something that was good for him?'

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

'This unexpectedly concludes tonight's program -- the sponsor bailed out.'

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

"The Closer, Cleaner, Smoother Reaper."

Eat More Salted Nuts

Theories: "Mine is whatever you want it to be - and it's guaranteed."

"We're ready to give the verdict....after the commercial break."

'I hate these commerical breaks!'

DRINK LAFARGE'S ALE, 'He's trying his best to balance tyhe budget.'

'...No, he can't really fly...no, the bad guys don't really have a gun...no this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant...'

Before we begin tonight's dream, a word from our sponsor...

Marv's Preowned Vehicles...That new car smell can kill you! - Buy Used!

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

Man in desert sees a sign for a bank 'Saving for a rainy day!'