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'Lawyers to Avoid.' 'Need a lawyer? I'm low in cholesterol, have never been tested on lab animals and am 100 biodegradable.'

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

'New product to keep your tummy in!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

'It's creative as hell! Now that you've got that out of your system, give me a campaign that will sell.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Honesty in retail

Roads with a view.

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Eat Beef

"The problem is that our ads have either been too Jewish or not Jewish enough."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Gerald Ratner's return

News for Sale

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'