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Rutger Shower

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

"Just be yourself."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'They all want to play the star.'

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Hamlet'

"They've remained remarkably faithful to the text."

Comedy Cafe

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Cut!

Applause. Clap clap bravo. Spring musical. Cats. You were terrific! Our little girl!

Theatre Masks and Butts

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

Joan Hickson

"If it appears that I only act like I'm working, it's because I minored in Theater."

'Here's something that should suit your wooden acting style. How do you fancy playing the lead in Pinocchio?'

Steve McQueen

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Jack Gleeson

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"I don't know if I can do 'Gilmore Girls' today. I'm not sure I'm feeling up for anything involving witty yet poignant repartee."

"Toi Toi Toi!"