Absurdist Fool Mugs

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Glance Exchange

Barcode Dreams

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

Nonsense Poem

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Valet park only"

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Boomerang cow.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.