Touchdown Theorist T-Shirts

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Football is too dangerous, Junior. Why not follow my footsteps in a safe sport - chasing investment yield?"

American Football.

Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Punishment for the kicker.

'He's checking with his agent to see if it's okay to score a try!'

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Fish to angler: 'Nice try, pal, but I know plastic and feathers when I see them!'

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

Friendly fire!

Football

"Good news, you are virus free and should be able to resume hitting each other in the heads as hard as possible this fall."

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

'Upon further review, the ruling on the field is upheld. The catch was totally constitutional. Touchdown!'

'That was some hit!'

"I take serious offense to their offense. And I am feeling very defensive about our defense. Would somebody give me a damn hug? Now Please?"