Contingency Enthusiast Gifts

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

"Surprise!"

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

Desert Island Mishap

'You must be the only 'Jack-of-all-trades' who is out of work in all of them!'

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

"Instead of playing with that boring ball you got me, I updated your computer's operating system, I cleaned your keyboard and ran an antivirus scan."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"Attitude is everything, Sid. Remember: Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we choose to react to it!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

"I guess one of the bunnies was a boy after all!"

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'Not likely - the last time I went in one of those, it sank!'

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

Help! Send fishing tackle!

'Go and hunt for your own lunch. Who do you think I am, Ray Mears?!'

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'Heads we declare bankruptcy, tails we try to buy out a profitable megacorp...'

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Tsunami Evac Route

"Woof"

'A kissogram for the boss? It must be a mistake.'

Russia's Ukrainian Ambitions.