Chore Negotiator Pillows

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

Fair Ball

'First, let me start by saying 'Making Ice' is really not helping with dinner.'

'I took her last time - It's your turn to take her for a walk!'

'I'll see your 'Washing the Dishes' and raise you 'Two Loads of Laundry''

'We have a deal...she catches the food and I do the dishes...'

Who ever loses does the washing-up next week.

"How about all my desserts for a week, and I take out the garbage?"

Lawnmower

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

'There. See? Your buddy is OK. Now show us our guy before we make the swap.'

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'Jack wants to stay home and rad books, and I wanted him to take up roller skating, so we compromised.'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'Those with a lot of Money.'

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

'Just sign your approval for the heliport and we can both go about our business.'

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

'Whenever I need a little peace and quiet, I do without,'

Spring cleaning.

"I'm training him to do chores."

"Hola...I was wondering if you need your lawn mowed."

"All night I dreamed I was at work. Do I get overtime for that?"

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

"Good news! The White House has agreed to negotiate with us on that $400 mil in cuts!" "What do you have to give up next time... the other arm or a leg...?"

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

"Let's do something really different and daring tonight to stimulate our marriage... Tonight I'll wash and you dry!"

"Judging by all the dishes, you have forgotten where the kitchen is. So, I programmed this GPS for you."

"Mom, you say 40 is the new 30. . . can a D be the new C?"

'It's not necessary to challenge the champ, your manager has already done that.'